Scary Roommate Situation

[citygirlintn]

I share an apartment with 2 roommates, though I spend most of my time now at my boyfriend's apartment, 3 blocks away as a result of what has been going on. My father and another girl's father are the guarantors on the lease. From the beginning, this girl in particular was causing me headaches-- a $9 dispute over the rent, she didn't always pay on time, she gave her mom a key to come and go as she pleases, her mom would rearrange our living room....just annoying stuff. All settled, for the most part, fine. We all talked about it, and I can handle it all.

In November, I went away for Thanksgiving, and left the mail key in the apartment as a courtesy to my roommates. This girl has kept the key, and refused to make me a copy. As a result of her having it, she would take my mail, my magazines, my bills, etc. She went on 2 separate vacations where she took the key with her, and I missed a credit card payment because of it!! The building wouldn't make me a key (they said that was the only one), so I asked her to. She ignored me the first 3 times I asked over the course of several months.

2 weeks ago, I was home with my family, and came into the city one day for a job interview. I went to my apartment to pick up some stuff, found my mail and my magazines in her room, yet again, and left her a note about the key. I got 2 separate messages on my voicemail about how dirty the apartment was, how I better clean it or she'll call my parents (ooooh), how she won't pick up after me, threatening me about going into her room, etc. etc....Never mind that any mess in our apartment is as much hers as it is mine as it is the 3rd girl's.

I then left her a message saying essentially that--that living with people is about cleaning up other people's stuff, and that I've cleaned up her stuff and not liked it, and she needed to step up and do the same. I mentioned the mail key one last time, and explained that if I wasn't constantly finding my stuff in her room, I wouldn't have to go into it.

What I have now on my voicemail and what has happened since then are really frightening me. She left me a message F this and F* that, F* me and my parents and my s**tty little boyfriend. She threw out nearly everything of mine that was in our kitchen, including food, tupperware, bowls and utensils. She took everything else of mine and has put it out on the counters as though to suggest it has no place in our kitchen. I have removed anything that was left, including my TV that was in the living room, and put it in my room.

I'm really at the point where I'm not comfortable living there, and me being at my boyfriend's all the time will get to the point where it takes a toll on our relationship. I cannot get out of the lease without legal action, especially because my father is a co-guarantor with hers and even if I leave, he is half responsible for the rent being paid. I don't think I have any real legal complaint beside the mail thing, which I resolved by essentially forcing my super to make me a key. I'm not allowed by law to put a lock on my room, and I am afraid for myself and especially for my property, because I don't know what she will do next. However, since I chose her, I'm almost certain that by law I am stuck with her. I don't want to actually have her arrested, since I know for sure that her parents will sue me, and I'm definitely not prepared to handle that. We still have another 4 months left on the 1-year lease.

Is there any way to solve this?

[mjr203]

tough situation

sounds like a real problem child

why can't you put a lock on your door?

I'd restore the common area to the way it should be, tell her face to face that you have to live together for 4 more months and that you're going to try to make it as comfortable as possible and you'd appreciate if she'd do the same.

There's really no substantive advice on a personal issue like this to give. It sounds like you've been pretty reasonable. You're right that living together is a give and take. I'd keep your valuables locked away, try to tidy up after yourself and other than that stay away from her. I'd take a thorough pictoral record of the apartment -- to reflect its current state and potential damages to protect yourself when you move out.

Other than that sit tight and try to find yourself a better situation. Don't know what else you can do besides keep your parents in the loop.

good luck

[citygirlintn]

Is this a situation in which an order of protection could apply? Though I'm not concerned for my life, I am concerned for my property, and she has already displayed no regard for that by throwing much of it out. Anyone?

[citygirlintn]

My lease states I'm not allowed to put a lock on my door.

About the mail thing-- My 3rd roommate and I get the same magazine. When I came home one day, I noticed she had gotten her issue and I hadn't gotten mine. When I went to talk to the problem roommate about it, I saw my issue (label and all) on her floor.

[Chimera]

There is a relatively simple solution to all of this.

As meagain stated, get a PO Box! This completely eliminates the mail problem.

Since you can't put a lock on your door, put a lock on your CLOSET and keep anything valuable in there when you are not home.

Lastly, do not get caught up in this drama that you two have going. Yeah, it is really annoying that she took your magazine and threw out your forks, but ignoring this behavior and being polite to her will thwart further destructive behavior on her part. Just smile and nod and do NOT argue with her, it will amount to nothing good. You've only got four months with this person, and it is in your best interest to keep things as calm as possible until you can get out of there.

[citygirlintn]

Thanks for the suggestion. I'm not sure I'm technically inclined enough to actually do that, but I will look into finding someone who can without letting my LL know.

Unfortunately, My closet is the double-folding-door-on-sliding-tracks type, and locking it would be practically impossible. She is totally the type of girl who would escalate this by throwing red paint on all my clothes, so I am pretty worried about my closet.

Thanks for your help!

[custudent]

Why don't you try to sublet your room for 4 months? You suggested that you weren't working. Either move back with your parents for a bit while you look for a new place, or find something different ASAP. Plenty of students intern in NYC for the summer and need short term sublets.

Alternatively, buy a safe or locking trunk for your valuables. You should own a fireproof safe regardless of your roommate situtation.

Regarding your clothing - since you seem worried about them - You could lock your most expensive clothing in the trunk. You are in this situation until August. Get mini-storage for anything that won't fit in a trunk. Your winter clothing can be stored off-site and away from her hands and red paint.

Oh, and installing a new doornob is not rocket science. The instructions on the packaging should walk you through it. If you are really worried about your technical skill, hire a locksmith to do it.

[citygirlintn]

The 3rd roommate and I are looking into assigning the remainder lease to the problem roommate and 2 of her friends, however I am not sure if we can do this and get my father off the hook as a guarantor. Does anyone know antything about that? The lease doesn't specify about guarantors when the lease is assigned or subletted.

Thanks for your help and suggestions.

[mjr203]

Originally posted by citygirlintn:
The 3rd roommate and I are looking into assigning the remainder lease to the problem roommate and 2 of her friends, however I am not sure if we can do this and get my father off the hook as a guarantor. Does anyone know antything about that? The lease doesn't specify about guarantors when the lease is assigned or subletted.

Thanks for your help and suggestions.

When the lease is assigned to her and her two friends, surely they will be signing a new lease that will require new guarantor signatures... ie your father would from that point out not be a guarantor?

-POINTER