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The proper way to get rid of a roommate

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The proper way to get rid of a roommate

Postby qwestm » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:07 pm

Hi,

I am young, and made a big life mistake. I got involved in a relationship with a roommate. It's a large studio apartment in Brooklyn, about 1100 sq ft. One day while I was laying down feeling stressed out, she lays down next to me and holds my hand, smiles, gives me a massage, and it snowballed from there. I'm young, I'm stupid, and I fell hook line & sinker! I have learned my lesson. Jesus have I learned my lesson.

What I did not know at the time is that she had mental issues. She began to go to therapy for bipolar disorder. Having a parent who committed suicide after wrestling for fifteen years with the disease, I did my best to be supportive and help. I further complicated the mistake thinking, I could work on the guilt of not doing the right thing by my mother, by doing the right thing by this woman. My mind had been in a bad place, as my mother's suicide occurred about 1 and a half months before meeting this woman.

I finally ended the relationship after ten months because I could not keep my composure at her has a very Jekyll & Hyde like personality. Anytime I would try to end it in the past she would break down crying for hours, have sex with me, and I would get sucked back into it. I knew this was wrong but was emotionally weak and let it go.

While I would still like to ensure she gets help and help her through her issues, I could not continue being in any kind of relationship. She has a history of destroying her relationships that she gets herself into, this one not against the rules.

I pay a majority($1350/$400 on a $1750 apt) because I am only renting out a small portion of the apartment. It's never been a 50/50 share with any roommate since I like to have most of the space for storage. There is a small alcove in the corner, which is what I rent out. The long strip is mine. It's like an L.

She has seen fit to make my life a living hell while home. My parents went through something similar. My father was married so getting out was tricky. I do not have anything on paper, nor am I married, so I was hoping this would be a little bit easier.

I know in NYC, landlord/tenant issues are in extreme favor of the tenant, so I want to be cautious going forward. I am a tenant to the owner of the building, who subleases to her. She pays cash on the beginning of the month. My lease says no subleasing allowed under any circumstances, and no other occupants but me. I subleased because I was used to having an $1100/mo apartment, and could justify the leap to $1350 at the time, not $1750.

I would like to get her out of here. I am prepared to offer her 1 month rent & 1 month deposit on an apartment she moves into just to regain my sanity and not come home to arguing & screaming. I want to know what my options are, what the proper procedure is, what is accepted & what is not before I go forward with anything.

For all I know she will peacefully leave, but I do not expect that to happen. This apartment is huge. It's beautiful. Exposed brick, 25' ceilings, new wood floors, 1100 sq ft. I wouldn't expect someone to leave easily. I know for a fact for twice what she pays to live here she won't find somewhere half as nice, so I am expecting a challenge ahead.

I am working under the worst case scenario that offering her first month's rent & deposit at a new apartment and a month of free rent here won't cut it. At minimum, I would like to do that and tell her that I'm changing the door lock on December 1st. This gives her a month and a half to find a new apartment and a decent amount of saved money.

What should I do? What am I allowed to do?
Last edited by qwestm on Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby TenantNet » Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:02 pm

I am a tenant to the owner of the building, who subleases to her. She pays cash on the beginning of the month.


Do you sublease to here or does the landlord "sublease" to her. That's not clear. To whom does she pay her rent, you or the landlord? Explain this a bit more.

My lease says no subleasing allowed under any circumstances, and no other occupants but me.


That clause is illegal.
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Postby qwestm » Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:03 pm

I pay the landlord via check and she pays me via cash. The landlord thinks we're dating.

Thanks for your quick response!
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Postby TenantNet » Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:36 pm

You are dating ... but we don't need all the detail. Then she's a roommate. Not a sublet or sublease. You're using the term incorrectly.

You are allowed to have roommates no matter what the LL says. You can also have real sublets under certain conditions. Those lease provisions are unenforceable.

A roommate is a licensee. To legally get her out, if she doesn't leave on her own. you would need to give proper notice and then commence a licensee proceeding in Housing Court. It's similar to your being the LL.
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Postby qwestm » Sun Oct 16, 2011 2:28 pm

http://nycourts.gov/courts/nyc/housing/ ... mate.shtml

Is this what I should be shooting for?

Thanks,
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Postby TenantNet » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:54 pm

That's the last resort. I'd try persuasion first. But do NOT lock the person out. That could be a criminal offense.
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Postby ronin » Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:36 pm

I know in NYC, landlord/tenant issues are in extreme favor of the tenant, so I want to be cautious going forward.


Reading the above made me wonder if maybe you are delusional and in need of therapy as well.

So let me see. You have a sexual relationship with a vulnerable bi-polar woman who you are now tired of using and you now want to unceremoniously toss her in the street through official court processes with little or no notice. Positively charming.

Or is it that she is really the one refusing to continue this arrangement? Why would you plan to surprise a lover with an eviction unless this is a roommate refusing to comply with an unwritten part of the roommate agreement, namely sexual favors?

Please let us know if this plan of yours somehow backfires on you. I wonder, from your description, if the sexual favors were somehow tied to her rent you could be in for a nasty surprise or two if she raises the issue. I find it more than a little suspicious that someone you rented to suddenly feels drawn magnetically to your bed and yet now you rather coldly plot to make her homeless. You tellingly forgot to mention any period of "lets go back to just being roommates."
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